Bumblebee and blue flowers by Suren Nersisyan
“But there will be lots of insects, especially bees!”
I hear the hesitation in my daughter’s voice. For a moment, I feel annoyed. Underneath this lies my own apprehension. She’s been to this overnight camp at Foothill Park a few times before. Why is she scared now?
I start to help her dodge what’s present. “Think of s’mores, a camp fire, no Indian food, no parents, your friend and camp counselors with you underneath the stars.” I’m trying to bring some mindfulness and compassion to this scene. But it feels like I’m avoiding fear.
Before we sleep, I text her some metta phrases to help her hold fear more tenderly, to remind her of joy standing nearby.
May you be happy with s’mores and a warm fire.
May you be well with your friend and the camp counselors.
May you feel safe with Sky, Whaly (her stuffed animal dolphin and whale), and the stars guiding you.
May you be peaceful on the bed of Mother Earth (she has taken care of me and I know she will take care of you).
As we’re driving to Mitchell Park Library the next morning where a bus will take the kids to Foothill Park, my daughter still expresses fear. Yesterday, it was a problem for me, but today, it’s somehow welcome. I ask if she is willing to do a short watercolor guided meditation. “You’re so cheesy, Mom!” She half-heartedly agrees.
“Picture the bee. What color is it?”
“Yellow and black.”
“What color would feel safe around the bee?”
“Blue.”
“OK, paint a big streak of blue around the bee. What color is love?”
“Red.”
“Now paint a big streak of red around the blue that’s around the bee.”
Before I can continue, we’re at the spot where she sees the camp counselors and overnight bags lining the curb. “Look, Mom. There they are.”
I do my best to hide the disappointment at the unexpected interruption. “Yes, we are.”
After parking and unloading, we hug each other, and it’s time to say goodbye. “Have fun. Love you.”
Driving away, I wonder if it would have been more useful to help my daughter breathe directly into the discomfort of fear she was feeling in her body. Oh, well. What’s done is done.
Dear One,
May you be happy with s’mores and a warm fire.
May you be well with your friend and the camp counselors.
May you feel safe with Sky, Whaly (her stuffed animal dolphin and whale), and the stars guiding you.
May you be peaceful on the bed of Mother Earth (she has taken care of me and I know she will take care of you).
There will be time to learn mindfulness of body sensations. For now, colors work for my daughter. She loves art. I’ll trust my maternal intuition. That must count for something!
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