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We Will Help You Remember

11/23/2015

Sailing on calm waters, you wear the gorgeous sunset before it bleeds into darkness that isn't so dark. After all, the stars still twinkle and the full moon has nothing to hide.

But you feel the storm brewing inside. The Great Mother mirrors and magnifies your inner chaos. The boat sloshes in wild waves, the wind howls, the sky is relentless. You can't tell which water droplets are from the ocean, the sky, or those steaming from within.

Are you the storm? The anger, hurt, sadness, or guilt? Or are you the space in which everything is happening, the one holding the glass bottle with the miniature sailboat? What is imagined? What is real?

My Dear, jump into the sea, into the wisdom beneath the waves. Let yourself feel it all-the chill, the depth, the intention to know peace. Reach out to the Ones who know who you really are, the Merfolk who have watched you endure more violent storms than this.

You have the sea inside you. Don't hide it. Never be ashamed. When you forget, ask us. We will help you remember.

(This post was written in honor of MBSM Moms. Thank you for helping me remember who I really am.)

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Motherly Intentions

11/16/2015

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Just as I aspire to meet all my shadows with patience, understanding, and light, I’d like to meet her shadows with the same loving presence. I want to be a vast shore her emotional waves can break against anytime, anywhere. I know that this won’t always be possible, that I will sometimes meet her waves with my own, causing a larger tidal wave than necessary. During these times, I ask for forgiveness, and the remembrance that other mothers experience this, too.

I want to model imperfection. When I resort to lecture mode out of anger, fear, or hurt, let me sense the tension within – the loud voices, the urge to act, the shrinking heart. Let me find the lost look in her eyes, the slumped shoulders, the quivering chin. Let all these things be a wake up call to remember my own vulnerability, my own need to be Humpty Dumpty sometimes. We all need to crack open to know the golden yolk inside. How we crack, when we crack, and how often we crack is all up to us.

She is forever stitched inside the quilt of my heart. She would only choose fleece or the softest cotton for material. Playful dolphins, whales, gifts from the sea, books, music that opens the heart and lifts the spirit, vibrant brushstrokes of paint, candy and sweets. Take up as many squares in this quilted heart as you need to Dear One.

May I learn and grow with you.

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Diwali

11/9/2015

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In Hindu tradition, Diwali is the celebration of light, the triumph of good over evil. It is celebrated in autumn or spring. Hindus typically dress in their finest clothing, light diyas (lamps or candles), and offer prayers to the goddess Lakshmi for wealth and prosperity in the coming year.

What if Diwali (and other cultural, spiritual traditions) can take on a new significance? What would it mean for you to light diyas in all the dark corners of your life? Would you be afraid of what you see?

After attending some Diwali celebrations this past week, I sat in meditation one morning. I asked, “What needs the light of loving awareness right now?” I need forgiveness for reacting to my daughter’s request with anger and blame. Parenting is a practice, not a path of perfection. I need patience with a friend who makes choices that scare me. Though I love her dearly, I cannot remove every obstacle from her path. I need space to process the fear of disconnection with my partner when others require our attention. It’s not my fault; it’s conditioning. Holding a diya to these vulnerabilities, they don’t have to be shadows to the flame. They fuel the flame of understanding.

If the concept above resonates with you, try this. Create some personal space in your home or outside that is meaningful for you. Feel free to embellish this space with mementos, pictures, or other objects of spiritual, personal significance.

Light a diya, candle, or any other light source that symbolizes the light of loving awareness. You may choose to read a poem or prayer silently or out loud. You could also choose to wrap yourself in the comfort of sacred silence.

Take a moment to appreciate the external light source. Placing the palms of both hands on your heart, sense this light within you, spreading from your heart center to your entire body.

Regardless of your family’s traditions or personal spiritual beliefs, I hope this post inspires you to create your own meaningful ritual. As the autumn days deepen into cold darkness, may you find light and warmth within. May diyas, menorahs, Christmas lights, stars, etc. inspire you to cultivate loving awareness in all your dark corners. May you have the support of a loving community to do so.

The Buddha said, "Be ye lamps unto yourselves." May the light within be the light shared by all.

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Rain

11/2/2015

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The hardest flavor to taste in self-compassion is self-forgiveness. I’ve seen this in my own practice, working with patients and class participants. Most folks are eventually able to relate to self-compassion’s components of mindfulness, kindness, and shared humanity. Each component is still a journey in progress.

To understand self-forgiveness, you must be willing to taste shame. Like dark chocolate, you can’t appreciate the sweetness without the bitterness. Are you willing to explore the texture of shame – how it was first created, how it is sustained? Most of us spend years chipping away at the stone prison of shame built around our hearts. But are we using the right tools?

We all enter this world hungry for love. From infancy, we learn which behaviors will produce food, clothing, shelter, and connection. But if we say or do anything that goes against the tribe, we might invite shame into our diets early on. It becomes a regular staple our caregivers feed us, and what we continue to feed ourselves for years.

Shame grows from the desire to be loved, to belong. Unfortunately, it connects us to the tribe by a tenuous thread that can snap the moment we feel we have failed in some way. We spend more time in social isolation than connection through chords of compassion and a true sense of belonging.

There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt implies a feeling towards a behavior. ‘I’m feeling bad about something I did.’ Shame refers to our core self. “I’m feeling bad about who I am.’

How do we heal shame? We need to return to mindfulness, kindness, and shared humanity. We need to feel every difficult emotion disguised as demons knocking at our heart’s door. We must taste the bitterness and sweetness. Practicing in community certainly helps. In the loving presence of a committed community, we can share our secret shame. We can’t heal it if it’s hidden. We can’t feel it if it’s forbidden.

Forgiveness

There’s something new about the world
the day after it rains.
It’s as if an artist
erased the whole palette,
then redrew homes, the trees, the sky
with bolder outlines, and brightened
them with new paint
more vibrant than the old colors.

What if we were all artists
washing away old images of ourselves
with tears of forgiveness?
What if you could see
past outer appearances
and your heart was
your only canvas?
Would you imbue it
with the shades of your love,
or tear it to pieces
to equal
your number of self-judgments?

There's something new about the world
the day after it rains.
An artist erases the whole palette
for the chance to begin again.

With the first true rain of the season here in northern California, may we wash away the heart’s canvas of shame. May we all begin again.

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
-Buddha

(post inspired by MSC Teacher Training on Shame)

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