She was trained to listen to the heart, the lungs, the belly with a stethoscope, auscultating for abnormal sounds, for pathology. 

What if the problem has no quick fix?

What if she placed a stethoscope on others parts of her own body that hurt from time to time - the SI joints, gluteal muscles, neck and shoulder, the bottom of her feet.

What would she hear?

As she places the stethoscope on other parts of the body, she hears the cries of something more than just her pain, a gratitude from a universal benevolence for listening

The discomfort attenuates, not to complete cessation, but just enough for her to relate to the dukkka of others with medicine, mindful magic, and Soulmaking skill.

Is she the one healing patients, family, friends? Or are they the ones healing her? 

An image of a woman, half a closed human, half open with muscles, blood vessels, and organs exposed appears with a stethoscope around her neck.

The image releases a sense of fixed identity, and questions who is the owner of suffering. I’m struck by the juxtaposition of the closed human whose suffering is separate, and the nameless, vulnerable organism who is open to more possibilities. 

May the imaginal middle way imbue her life with sacredness, and the lives of all she is asked to meet.

Kill the pain of what no longer serves you.
Crush it into blood and bones.
Eat it, drink it,
the suffering of the world.
Recognize all the tools you have to do so.
Don’t be afraid, my love
to kill the snakes, the tension
in the paraspinal muscles 
with Durga Ma’s powerful weapons.
Feast on them, devour them
to taste what else is there.

​*Inspired by Eye of the Heart retreat.

When wearing a wide-brimmed sun, hat, and polarized glasses, beware of obstacles at an outdoor rockery.

Treat every part of the body with reverence and respect. Though it is hurting, it serves a valuable function for the journey.

Let healing time replace clock time. Moving any faster will delay the healing process. 

Comparing your body to others is like comparing the wood of an oak to a cedar tree. They serve different purposes. 

Cuts, scrapes, bruises, even broken bones don’t break you. It is your unwillingness to tenderize the wound with patience, self-compassion,  gratitude and trust that breaks you.

​
I’m fascinated by the intersection of emptiness and metta.

This month I received a birthday gift that I did not want - a flare up of chronic SI joint and gluteal muscle pain. Still there was significant appreciation for emptiness teachings.

I wasn’t a victim of a single cause or condition. Nor was I an expert on perfect management in extinguishing the burning sensations of pain. Perceptions of pain were determined by my relationship to it. When it took center stage, the attention shrunk, and there wasn’t much space for anything else.

Seeing and sensing through the eyes of the Brahmaviharas, the areas of pain transformed into an island of discomfort in a sea of healing modalities and support. The attention stretched to include ice, Advil, supportive family members, joy for my partner getting back in shape, a compassionate physical therapist, concerned patients expressing empathy, an image in supine meditation posture of the heart space pumping a champagne like bubbly substance to the rest of the body that softened, soothed, and allowed experience to be as it was, even held in celebration.

What if time is empty - past, present future - all empty of a single cause or condition that made me? What if this pain is not mine, and belongs to a divine intelligence?

The universal song is composed of both high and low notes. When dukkha arises, may I remember that others experience this, too. When sukkha arises, may others experience this, too.

“When self, time, separation, and even suffering are seen as empty, a devotion to the endless commitment of love is felt without burden.” (Seeing that Frees, Pg 327)

Practicing with the Five S’s

Space/Splendor - Zoming out of the difficulty to notice space around it and anything pleasant to help balance the difficulty and not go into all-or-none, catastrophic thinking.

Sensations- Rather than trying to doctor the pain into a diagnosis (hard to abstain since it’s my profession), noting the sensations as ‘throbbing’ or ‘burning’ rather than ‘pain’.  It makes it less personal.

Self-compassion - Placing a hand on the hurt place and recognizing that others experience this, too. If I cannot feel the self-compassion, then inviting a figure of love to inspire it.

Not-self - Reflecting  on past inner and outer causes and conditions, present inner and outer causes and conditions contributing to the pain. Empty of a single cause or condition, and full of love.


There is a benevolence 
That softens a tangled mind
Agitated heart and tense body
Till they are all aligned 
To inhabit the moment 
With such intimacy and tenderness 
That a bright yellow center
Attracts bees to make honey
Make sweetness, make love
With all the hurt places-
Blood orange petals radiating
Metta in all directions
​Wishing for all to be free

Tired of blaming myself
Or others
I lay down the weapons
The lancinating judgments
The crooked perceptions
The claw-like control
Of the way things should be

Breathing in meditation
I feel this body
As a clump of matter
More porous than expected
A sky full of stars
Open to any and all
Possibilities

Sometimes I believe I have more agency over others or myself than I actually do. This leads to subtle aggression. What the f@c! is wrong with you? What’s wrong with me? The energy spent to shape and manipulate things to my satisfaction is EXHAUSTING!

Many of us want more peace in our lives. What do we say or do to align our lives with this intentional and heartfelt purpose?

I’m beginning to understand that equanimity is not just some fancy practice you read about, some place you hope to get to if you close your eyes tight enough and practice diligently for hours on end.

For me, it begins with the breath like a surveillance camera, sweeping through all parts of the body that feel tight and congested. It’s the wisdom of a benevolent ancestor (Yasodhara Ma) whispering words of forgiveness, “It’s not your fault. You are doing the best that you can.” It’s sensing how each moment forms from a painful and precious past, and dissolves into a sky full of stars, open to any and all possibilities.

Peace is possible when there is a gentle letting go of what was, a tender curiosity for what is, and trusting the unfolding mystery.​