I see you Mara, conjuring dreams
of no control and not belonging,
replaying old classics in movie mind
as if they are the whole story.
What if I lay on my back, fully
surrendered to what’s playing
without needing to control content,
breathing into the body’s story?
May I trust the heart’s compassion
to support new stories or resilience-
loving presence a cocoon
nurturing metamorphosis within.
On the healing journey, the tendency is to resist pain and prefer a cure. I am no different. If there is an antibiotic that can treat an infection, a cast that can mold broken bones, a treatment that can offer relief, then I will vigorously support it.
And there are some things that don’t have immediate answers, remedies that can’t readily alleviate suffering. For sacroiliac and gluteal muscle discomfort, I’ve tried yoga, Qigong, Ayurveda , homeopathy, acupuncture, medication, chiropractic care, physical therapy, nature therapy, meditation, writing, dream interpretation, talk therapy, and mostly recently art therapy.
After typing out this list, whispers of judgment arise. Maybe if you weren’t complacently sitting around and doing more research for the perfect therapy, your ass wouldn’t hurt so much. Or maybe you aren’t spending enough time with one modality, expecting a miracle and instant gratification.
The whispers are met with smiles. Understanding the yearning for relief from suffering, the heart patiently responds. Dear One, you don’t need to try so hard. Surrender the resistance as best as you can. I will never leave you.
Surrender does not mean abandoning the healing modalities that are helping. It means not placing the burden of expectation on any one modality to produce a definitive answer, a cure.
As a family physician, it’s a privilege to support a patient’s wellbeing. When there is a reliable treatment for dis-ease, we both appreciate the gifts of modern medicine. It’s harder to work with a diagnosis that is uncertain, it’s treatment even more elusive.
As I learn to cultivate loving presence and stay with this body, may it support healing presence with others.
It’s the transitional state that is often overlooked and dismissed.