Category: Light

Dying

4/19/2021

exhale completely
blow out the candle
before the next wish
the next year

this poem
still conceptual
let it go
let it go

Exhaling, blowing out a metaphoric candle after a recent birthday, I’m already thinking of the next email, the next thing on the to do list, the next wish, the next year.

It’s EXHAUSTING!

It’s why I love meditation so much, the free gift that no one else can give me, sacred time I give back to myself for all the ways I’ve missed out on my own life.

Exhaling completely, I’m surprised by how much space there is internally, the capacity to hold whatever is next without betraying this moment. For 20-30 minutes a day, I don’t need to be anyone, do anything, go anywhere. It’s a conscious letting go, dying with each outbreath to be reborn again and again with a little less dust in the eyes and a stronger capacity to love.
I still hold on to many things, including these words, still conceptual, like directions to a place I already am.

What would it mean to let go, to let life come to me rather than chasing it?

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Crossing Dumbarton Bridge

11/13/2020

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cobalt violet sunrise
over the bay
infusing the heart
with a quiet joy
priming it to meet
the day’s suffering
with peaceful presence
reflecting back hope
when sunrises
are forgotten

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Circle of Generosity

5/24/2018

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(inspired by DoriMa and DPP6 Sangha)

Sometimes i’m in the center
not as royalty, dictator, enlightened
but a resourced being offering
what she can to satellites orbiting
her sphere of influence.

Sometimes i’m at the periphery
lost in space, floating along
longing for the gravitational pull
of a generous planet guiding me back
to a system that feels like home.

We take turns giving and receiving
moving in, reaching out
circling the space to experience
the full spectrum of darkness, light
and some place in between.

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Lopsided

3/14/2018

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Lopsided crescent moon
framed in cobalt clouds.
It’s been raining for days,
the storm of life relentless.
A temporary clearing,
a smile, a sliver of hope.
An invitation to notice
this smile in others
when everything else
feels tragic.

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Winter Solstice Greetings - Returning

12/20/2017

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Returning

(reflecting on the first foundation of mindfulness)

How many moments have I missed chasing
thoughts like the last train to happiness?
O Mother Earth, make me porous to your elements.
This wind urgency feels so real,
wanting to peek into the future,
wanting to know.
But the leaves have fallen,
nothing left but skeleton--
trunk, bare branches, a few leaves holding on.
Give me courage to peel back
skin, fascia, fat and muscle
all the way down to blood and bone.
Here, there is no self
only the weight of gravity,
dry leaves decomposing in dirt,
waiting for rain to add substance...
The fire for practice is still burning.

(inspired by Bonnie Duran, DoriMa aka Dori Langevin, and the SF/Peninsula Sangha)

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Manifesting: Journaling and Meditation

2/6/2017

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Manifesting Candle by Rachel Ho

These are dark times.
Trust your flame to
rekindle the light in others.
If your flame is flickering
unsteadily through
the howling winds of change,
burn through the wax
of core beliefs down to
the base of your true essence.
Rest in this pool
of quiet awareness.
Let the melted wax
fuel your flame
to burn bright again.

These are dark times. Do you trust your flame to rekindle the light in others? Or is your flame flickering unsteadily through the howling winds of change?

A few days ago, I felt more like the flickering flame. I couldn’t trust my heart to inspire others. As I was practicing a guided meditation I would lead in a meditation and writing class, I felt a warmth in my chest. When I reached home, I grabbed my journal and pen and began to investigate some core beliefs using Byron Katie’s four questions from The Work. After completing the journaling process, I could feel the warmth spreading from my heart to my neck, shoulders, and upper back. The core beliefs no longer felt like shackles, but invitations to experience a lighter way of living.

Surprised and excited by this outcome, I called up a dear friend to share my process. I wanted to declare my independence not only to her but to the whole Universe. As she listened attentively, Rachel shared her own beautiful process of melting core beliefs through a candle meditation. I couldn’t help but draw certain parallels to both processes. What if they were combined in the name of freedom, in the name of healing? The synergy could be incredible. Creative energy was already surging through me.

That night, I fell asleep with words from the poem above swirling in my head like a puzzle waiting to be solved. When I woke up, the pieces were starting to fit. Byron Katie’s questions help us to define our core beliefs, to sense the suffering they cause, and to create our own unique prison key turnaround statements.

The turnaround statement(s) can then be the eye of the candle flame. Meditating on the flame, we can burn through the wax of core beliefs down to the base of our true essence. Resting in this pool of amorphous, melted wax, of quiet awareness, we can trust it to fuel our flame, to burn bright again.

The next shape of our candle, our being, our life, is all up to us.

(If you are interested in having a manifesting workshop using the tools above at your workplace, spiritual, or personal residence please contact me here. I can’t promise the use of real candles depending on fire hazard restrictions. I'm happy to discuss details, cost, etc.)

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July 4: What Does Freedom Mean to You?

7/1/2016

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On July 4th, we celebrate the independence of thirteen American colonies from British rule. Families and friends gather for picnics, barbecues, and a chance to watch colorful fireworks light up the night sky.

On a spiritual level, I’m curious about what independence means for you. Where do you feel stuck, trapped in your life? Where would you like to have more freedom, more ease, more peace? Is it in a relationship with a partner, child, or parent? Does it involve a work situation or friendship? Or would you like more freedom in the ways you relate to yourself? Maybe it’s a combination of all of three.

Once you have identified the place(s) where you feel stuck, you might be overwhelmed. There’s a reason why we keep our skeletons, the deepest parts of ourselves hidden in subconscious closets. It’s so much easier to watch TV, lose ourselves in the internet or stay busy, get drunk or high, go shopping or indulge in food. If you have, please don’t judge yourself. We all have engaged in one spiritual bypass technique or another. Sometimes it’s wise to take a break from healing, especially if energy levels are low and you feel you only have so much gas to get by. How you rest is key.

You didn’t learn to walk, swim, or ride a bicycle overnight, so don’t expect this freedom to manifest itself overnight, either. It’s why we call it spiritual ‘practice’. Now that you know what you most want to heal, the next step is to set an intention. For me, an intention is like a sincere prayer. What do you want God, the Universe, or the Great Mother to know? What are you ready to manifest more of in your life? Be careful how you frame this intention, this sacred prayer. We often ask for others to change, for situations to be different. If only so and so wouldn’t do that thing they do. If only work or my health or politics or the weather were different. Then I’d be at peace. Are you feeling more physically, emotionally, and spiritually tense as you contemplate this intention? If so, you may need to look within.

(Note: Introspection does not equal passivity. If you are a victim of clear injustice or violence, please take the necessary steps to remove yourself from this situation as best as you can. Enlist the support of others to help you make this change.)

Let these intentions sit like unlit sparklers in the palms of your precious hands. On the night of July 4, may you connect with a reverence for all life, including yours. As you light them, may the sparks of light represent moments of insight. You, like every living being on this planet, deserve to be happy, well, safe, peaceful, and at ease. May the sparks dissipate into darkness as dawn stages a new sunrise of understanding. “Be the change you wish to see in this world.” (Gandhi)

How and when you decide to be this change is all up to you. I trust you will find your way.

Namaste.

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Diwali

11/9/2015

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In Hindu tradition, Diwali is the celebration of light, the triumph of good over evil. It is celebrated in autumn or spring. Hindus typically dress in their finest clothing, light diyas (lamps or candles), and offer prayers to the goddess Lakshmi for wealth and prosperity in the coming year.

What if Diwali (and other cultural, spiritual traditions) can take on a new significance? What would it mean for you to light diyas in all the dark corners of your life? Would you be afraid of what you see?

After attending some Diwali celebrations this past week, I sat in meditation one morning. I asked, “What needs the light of loving awareness right now?” I need forgiveness for reacting to my daughter’s request with anger and blame. Parenting is a practice, not a path of perfection. I need patience with a friend who makes choices that scare me. Though I love her dearly, I cannot remove every obstacle from her path. I need space to process the fear of disconnection with my partner when others require our attention. It’s not my fault; it’s conditioning. Holding a diya to these vulnerabilities, they don’t have to be shadows to the flame. They fuel the flame of understanding.

If the concept above resonates with you, try this. Create some personal space in your home or outside that is meaningful for you. Feel free to embellish this space with mementos, pictures, or other objects of spiritual, personal significance.

Light a diya, candle, or any other light source that symbolizes the light of loving awareness. You may choose to read a poem or prayer silently or out loud. You could also choose to wrap yourself in the comfort of sacred silence.

Take a moment to appreciate the external light source. Placing the palms of both hands on your heart, sense this light within you, spreading from your heart center to your entire body.

Regardless of your family’s traditions or personal spiritual beliefs, I hope this post inspires you to create your own meaningful ritual. As the autumn days deepen into cold darkness, may you find light and warmth within. May diyas, menorahs, Christmas lights, stars, etc. inspire you to cultivate loving awareness in all your dark corners. May you have the support of a loving community to do so.

The Buddha said, "Be ye lamps unto yourselves." May the light within be the light shared by all.

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Dying

Crossing Dumbarton Bridge

Circle of Generosity

Lopsided

Winter Solstice Greetings - Returning

Manifesting: Journaling and Meditation

July 4: What Does Freedom Mean to You?

Diwali

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