Blog Archives

True North

3/21/2016

It’s interesting to notice all the times when your mind leaves the present for the future, even though the boat has never left the harbor. Constantly anticipating large swells of waves, whether your boat is adequately equipped with emergency gear in case it capsizes, whether your lifejacket and wet suit are on or nearby, just in case.

Sound familiar? How much of your fatigue is caused by a true medical condition, acclimation to daylight savings or jetlag, excessive caffeine late in the day, too many carbs in the diet, or not enough exercise? Does the stress of anxious thoughts play a role in your fatigue?

There’s a deep wisdom in knowing what constitutes your wet suit and life jacket when the waves rock your boat (even if the waves are factitious). A stress or spiritual toolkit can be a life saver. The following are some ideas of what you can put in your toolkit:

-lots of laughter and smiles throughout your day
-some form of creative expression
-healthy nutrition
-pleasurable exercise, stretching
-mindful breathing
-time outdoors
-time spent with supportive people or animals you love
-soothing touch
-spiritual practices (prayer, yoga, meditation)

You can modify this toolkit in any way you like, adding things that are helpful, subtracting what isn’t useful.

What do you do when the waves are particularly large and unforgiving, when the waves leave you dizzy and disoriented, when your boat is far off course from True North? You’ve already checked your toolkit, but finding the right antidote to your distress only adds to the confusion.

In these moments, I find it’s best to keep the practice simple. Where is it easiest to locate my breath in my body? Am I exhaling fully to breathe into the here and now? Is my breath kind? Is it delivering messages of understanding and trust to all my stuck places, or adding more tension with judgements?

If these questions sound complex, you can distill the questions down to one question. Where are my mind and heart right now? Your thoughts might be in past regret or rumination, future worry or planning, or daydreaming. Trusting in the safe harbor of the present moment where life is most vibrant can be just the buoy you need in any given storm. Knowing if your heart is open or closed can also give you clues to what might energize or deplete you.

When all is said and done, I know that mindfulness is my lifejacket. It helps me float above waves of aversive thoughts and aligns me with the present moment. Metta is my wetsuit, keeping me warm against the bone-chilling criticism of how things should be, how others and I should be. Together mindfulness and metta are exactly what I need to travel in the direction of fearlessness, to orient my mindheart to True North.

What helps you travel in the direction of fearlessness, to orient your mindheart to True North? May this post inspire you to ask the question, and listen patiently for the answer.

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Listen to Your Body

3/17/2016

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Felt Sense Prayer

I am the pain in your head, the knot in your stomach, the unspoken grief in your smile.
I am your high blood sugar, your elevated blood pressure, your fear of challenge, your lack of trust.
I am your hot flashes, your cold hands and feet, your agitation and your fatigue.
I am your shortness of breath, your fragile low back, the cramp in your neck, the despair in your sigh.
I am the pressure on your heart, the pain down your arm, your bloated abdomen, your constant hunger.
I am where you hurt, the fear that persists, your sadness of dreams unfulfilled.
I am your symptoms, the causes of your concern, the signs of imbalance, your condition of dis-ease.

You tend to disown me, suppress me, ignore me, inflate me, coddle me, condemn me.
I am not coming forth for myself as I am not separate from all that is you.
I come to garner your attention, to enjoin your embrace so I can reveal my secrets.
I have only your best interests at heart as I seek health and wholeness by simply announcing myself.

You usually want me to go away immediately, to disappear, to sleek back into obscurity.
You mostly are irritated or frightened and many times shocked by my arrival.
From this stance you medicate in order to eradicate me.
Ignoring me, not exploring me, is your preferred response.
More times than not I am only the most recent notes of a long symphony, the most evident branches of roots that have been challenged for seasons.

So I implore you, I am a messenger with good news, as disturbing as I can be at times.
I am wanting to guide you back to those tender places in yourself, the place where you can hold yourself with compassion and honesty.
If you look beyond my appearance, you may find that I am a voice from your soul.
Calling to you from places deep within that seek your conscious alignment.

I may ask you to alter your diet, get more sleep, exercise regularly, breathe more consciously.
I might encourage you to see a vaster reality and worry less about the day to day fluctuations of life.
I may ask you to explore the bonds and the wounds of your relationships.
I may remind you to be more generous and expansive or to attend to protecting your heart from insult.
I might have you laugh more, spend more time in nature, eat when you are hungry and less when pained or bored, spend time every day, if only for a few minutes, being still.

Wherever I lead you, my hope is that you will realize that success will not be measured by my
eradication, but by the shift in the internal landscape from which I emerge.

I am your friend, not your enemy. I have no desire to bring pain and suffering into your life.
I am simply tugging at your sleeve, too long immune to gentle nudges.
I desire for you to allow me to speak to you in a way that enlivens your higher instincts for self-care.
My charge is to energize you to listen to me with the sensitive ear and heart of a mother attending to her precious baby.
You are a being so vast, so complex, with amazing capacities for self-regulation and healing.
Let me be one of the harbingers that lead you to the mysterious core of your being where insight and wisdom are naturally available when called upon with a sincere heart.

I first heard this poem in a dharma talk by Tara Brach. When I shared it with my yoga, mindfulness teacher and friend, Jackie Long, founder of MBSM, she led our group in a helpful writing exercise to create our own felt sense poem.

To create your own poem, set aside some time in your day when you won’t be distracted. It’s also important to write in a space that will nurture and inspire the creativity of your own deepest wisdom. If you can’t think of an ideal time or space, please do the best you can. Your intention is what matters most. It often helps to engage in some type of embodied practice first to ground and hear what your body has to say to you. This can be through yoga, meditation, a walk, Qigong, dance, etc.

You may choose to set a timer and write for a set amount of time, say 10-15 minutes, encouraging the flow of pen on paper regardless of any mental blocks you encounter. If this feels too constricting, write for as long as you’d like until the process feels complete. Remember, this is your healing journey. You can modify this exercise in any way you wish.

Grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. don’t matter. What matters most is the gift of kind, gentle, and loving awareness you bring to your body and this process. No one is here to judge you. There is no place for any critical voices, only kind ones. If the critical voices drown out the kind ones, pause and think of what a supportive person (parent, partner, good friend, spiritual being) might say to you, and keep writing.

Begin your poem with I am, listing as many physical, emotional symptoms as you’d like to. See where the writing takes you, and try to address any message from this wise physical or emotional discomfort. What is it trying to tell you? What is important to remember?

A harbinger is a person or thing that signals the approach of another. In your writing, may you discover a wise message that helps you heal your way back to wholeness. I would love to hear about your process or anything else you’d like to share with me. Here is what emerged for me.

River of Breath

I am the stones of guilt in your belly weighing you down,
the gas bubbles of indigestion, of fear
mixed with volcanic eruptions of anger.

I don’t want this story. I want another –
where the fires of transformation burn bright in my belly,
where everything is digested with ease,

where a river of breath flows through me,
through us all, decorated with
soft pink cherry blossoms and lotus leaves.

Let no place in my body be immune
to its life giving waters,
its divine healing energy.

We simply need to be aware,
to notice all the places of contraction,
pain and hurt, and say

Come to me now, sweet river of breath.
Bathe me in your beauty.
Baptize me with your love.

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Heart Constellation

3/5/2016

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My heart is an air tight vessel bobbing at the ocean’s surface, tossed to and fro by the waves. Irritations from the outside have encrusted themselves like barnacles clinging tightly to a sinking ship. Is there a way to let the seawater in, to taste the salt from my own tears, to open my heart just a crack to remember who they are?

Feeling like I am lost at sea, I sit in morning meditation with this heaviness in my chest. It is clear to me now that I don’t want to go on like this. I want to remember my loved ones for who they were, who they still are underneath the labels I have wrapped them in like Mummies who still have stories to be told. Labels like The Lost One, The Burdensome One, The Interfering One, The Ignorant One aren’t helpful when I am trying to peel away these bandages to know them.

I remember him picking me up from school dances, taking the family to Golden Gate Park and national parks, walking beside me on Ocean Beach discussing philosophy and compassion for the human experience. I remember her cooking and bringing me food in college and medical school during finals, dressing me is saris over the years, giving me the things she did not have growing up.

One by one the memories twinkle like stars in a dark sky shaping a new Heart constellation I’ve never seen before. Entrusting myself to the waves of this meditation experience, I feel my body relax as the seawater flows in and I taste tears.

Please forgive me for any harm I may have caused you, knowingly or unknowingly.
I forgive you for any harm you may have caused me, knowingly or unknowingly.
I am willing to endure any storm with you, again and again, as long as I am shown the Heart constellation.

Guided Meditation

Find a position that is comfortable and supportive. This could be a seated position or lying down. Take a few moments just to feel your weight supported by a chair, cushion, bed, or the floor and offer gratitude for this support. Take a few deep breaths in and out, releasing anything extra on the outbreath.

When you are feeling settled inside your body and breath, bring to mind someone who is difficult for you. If this is your first time practicing meditation or working with a difficult being, please try to pick someone no more than a 4 on an irritation scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least irritating and 10 being the most irritating.

Now imagine that you are caught in a storm on the ocean, and the waves are violently rocking your boat. It’s OK to feel the waves of irritation for this difficult person move through you, because you are wearing a life jacket. There is also an expert captain on this boat with you, someone you trust, a loving spiritual being, a wise parent or teacher, a caring partner or good friend. They will not let you drown.

What are the labels you have created for this irritating being? The Annoying One, The Egotistical One, the Hurtful One? Try to keep the label simple without getting lost in the storyline of how this being hurt you. If the waves are too strong, please remember that you can always return to feeling the physical support beneath you and your breath, the gentlest wave of all moving through you with a sincere wish for your ease and wellbeing. You also have your life jacket and the expert captain with you. You are not alone.

If you are feeling supported, see if you can invite this difficult being into your boat. If it feels right for you, try to remove one of two of the bandages or labels you have wrapped this being in out of anger, fear, or past hurt. Can you look into this being’s eyes? Can you remember one or two things they have said or done to help you or someone else?

If you can’t think of anything, please be patient with yourself. The layers of anger, fear, or hurt can lay low like a thick fog around the heart for years. This fog will not dissipate quickly. It can only burn off when it is ready to over time. The intention to simply be here with this person inside your boat is a brave start. You may also choose to see this being through the eyes of someone who loves them, or even imagine them as a child.

If there are any endearing thoughts or memories that come, let yourself rest in them for as long as you like. Let these fond memories twinkle like stars in a dark sky shaping a new Heart constellation you have never seen before. Like the North Star, may this Heart constellation always guide you whenever you feel you are lost at sea.

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Keepsake

3/3/2016

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The Stairs at Battery Crosby, San Francisco, CA by atmtx photo

May I meet these waves with oceanic presence,
rubbing the irritations of life against me
to polish the pearl of knowing
that this overwhelm won’t last forever,
that a bead of wisdom is emerging
as a keepsake to remember
it was never about perfection, but presence.

Loved ones, coworkers, and others are bound to irritate us. Maybe they’ve said the wrong thing. Maybe they aren’t meeting your expectations. Your default reaction might be to give them a piece of your mind, to wear self-righteousness with pride and show them how it should be done. Or you might blame yourself and wish you were spiritually inclined to perfection, inviting everyone into your heart without question like Gandhi or Mother Teresa.

What if there was a middle path, a place where you didn’t need to walk into a bed of poison oak and let too much self-identification with the story line get under your skin? You also wouldn’t have to run far away to protect yourself or avoid all the shoulds of the spiritual inner critic.

You should be more understanding.
You should be more kind.

The Middle Way might be a path to the ocean. You could meet the waves of your experience with loving presence, rubbing the irritations of anxiety, anger, blame and sadness against you to polish the pearl of knowing. The overwhelming situation (and your reactions to it) don’t need to last forever. A bead of wisdom could emerge as a keepsake to remember that it was never about perfection, but oceanic presence.

Each new pearl of wisdom that forms from life’s irritations can give us courage to meet future waves of unpleasant experience that break against the shores of our tender hearts. We can travel the middle path again and again because we have tasted the freedom it offers first-hand. The Middle Way is not about changing others or perfecting the self, but noticing how we are overly identifying with a story line or pushing away any discomfort. May we rest in the space of loving presence between the two extremes.

May we meet our waves with oceanic presence. When we forget, when we are stuck in a bed of poison oak or find ourselves running far away as we judge our reactions, may the sounds of the ocean call us back to here and now. May be find our way home.

(This blog post is an intuitive inquiry into the nature of The Middle Way. For more information on this concept, please click here.)

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True North

Listen to Your Body

Heart Constellation

Keepsake

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