Wisdom in Waves
  • Home
  • Classes
  • Meditations
  • Books
  • Poems
  • Musings
  • About
  • Contact
  • Love

Goals

1/21/2017

0 Comments

 
Picture

How can I trust this process of awakening
When the world expects perfection
When we all begin this race together
But there is only one gold medal
For the one who finishes first
And a badge of shame
For the one who finishes last?


I want to step out of this rat race
Trust this heart to hold it all
The belly to digest, compost, create
A poem like this to remind me
The path to enlightenment
Was never a path but begins
With one point in time


Where the choice to leave or stay
Is the choice that matters most

 
Training for a marathon.  Graduating college.  Mastering a skill.  These are all worthwhile goals.  Goals require patience, endurance, resilience (and many more things I haven’t mentioned here).  Goals are great to have.  They help us evaluate where we have been, where we currently are, and where we are headed.  We can change our trajectory, making any necessary adjustments along the way.

But what about the path to enlightenment, to peace, to freedom?  What do we need for this journey?  How long will it take?  Do we have the right guides, the right job, the perfect family and friends to support our path?

For years, I was treating meditation practice as if it were a long, arduous path.  I must sit a certain number of minutes each day.  I must do certain things to finish first.  I can only share mindfulness stories of transcendence and mastery, not ones where I’m hopelessly lost with amnesia.  There’s no space for weakness, messy emotions, rest and reflection.  I must get there in the shortest amount of time possible.  I must strive for Olympic gold.

During a mindful mom’s yoga class, the bubble of quiet serenity I craved was quickly pierced by a wailing infant.  Irritated by this uninvited interruption, I wasn’t exactly oozing with compassion and understanding for the mother or Mr. Colic.  After noticing the irritation, I noticed the judgmental voice.

Kaveri, what the hell is wrong with you?  Why do I have to keep reminding you who you are?  You are a family physician, a mindfulness teacher, a writer.  Hello!  Have you completely forgotten you are also a mom, a mom in a MINDFUL MOMS YOGA CLASS?!?! 

At the rate you’re going, you’ll never reach enlightenment.  Forget gold, silver, even bronze.  You might qualify for tin.

For some reason, I remembered part of a class curriculum I was going teach in a few days.  It encouraged me to start exactly where I was.  If anger arises, then start there.  If fear arises, then start there, etc.  So, I decided to get curious about the irritation.  I noticed the tension in my jaw, my body recoiling from the infant’s cries, my heart closing to protect something.

What was I trying to protect?

One of my greatest fears is that I will lose something precious I have found in meditation practice.  But that something is not a particular identity.  Meditation hasn’t created a new and improved Kaveri.  It has simply stripped away all layers of bullshit – the false promises of perfection, the illusion of a utopia accessible to a select few who work hard enough to get there, the ignorance of mistaken identities.

The path to enlightenment was never a path, but one point in time, a moment, this moment.  In class, I was given the choice to leave myself, my true emotions in favor of a self that was more respected and in line with my prized identities.  When I chose to stay with the raw feelings without giftwrapping them for anyone, I noticed a small smile on my lips and inside my heart.  Mr. Colic wasn’t Mr. Colic at all, but an avatar of Siddhartha himself, speaking to me through his high-pitched cries.

Siddhartha, I choose to stay.  I choose to stay with the whimpers, the whirling emotions, the wisdom that emerges when all identities are cast aside.  I choose to stay with Loving Presence as my true nature and connect with the true nature in All.
​
What if this is my only goal?

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Kaveri Patel, a woman who is always searching for the wisdom in waves.

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    Anatta
    Body Wisdom
    Burnout
    Communication
    Compassion
    Creativity
    Diwali
    Doubt
    Elements
    Energy
    Equanimity
    Fear
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Gratitude
    Guilt
    Habits
    Impermanence
    Joy
    Kindness
    Light
    Middle Way
    Mindfulness
    Motivational Interviewing
    Parenting
    Passion
    Patience
    Peace
    Poetry
    Relationships
    Sacred Feminine
    Self Compassion
    Surrender
    True Nature
    Trust
    Uncertainty
    Wisdom

    Click to set custom HTML

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly