Wisdom in Waves
  • Home
  • Classes
  • Meditations
  • Books
  • Poems
  • Musings
  • About
  • Contact
  • Love

Evidence

8/30/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
What evidence do you have that your spiritual practice is working?  We often look for perfection, for absolutes in practice.  I should be mindful 24/7.  I shouldn’t have said that.  I should be present more often.  Why is fear (or any other afflictive emotion) coming up again?

On Saturday I drove to Spirit Rock for a daylong on poetry and the Dharma.  I left later than planned, and also found myself stuck in unexpected traffic.  Taking a deep breath, I checked Google maps for an alternate route.  As I left the jam, I felt the tension in my body dissipate, only to return when I tried to get on the same freeway a little further north and found the onramp blocked.

What the hell do I do now???

You know the feeling of fight-flight-freeze that arises in you like a volcano ready to explode at any given moment.  Do I blame freeway construction?  Do I blame myself for not checking traffic conditions and leaving earlier?  Do I stay stuck in this storyline without an option to change it?

I noticed all of these thought options pounding against my skull with such violent force, begging for release.  Then, I heard another voice.

Pull over, Kaveri.  Just stop.  Trust me on this one.

So I pulled over.  I still felt the tension, but I also felt the breath of life flowing through me like summer rain after a prolonged drought.  I knew how to find another route, to reach my destination and feel more at ease.  It might take more time, but I sensed I would be OK.


*****

During the morning meditation, I felt a poem gestating within, aching to be born from the stillness.  After the sound of the bell, I scribbled a few lines in my journal, confident they would take me somewhere.

As the day progressed, we read several poems on joy, sorrow, and grief together.  The words in my journal felt like puny, flickering stars that paled in comparison to the light of these full moon poems.  Who was I?  I wasn’t a real poet.  So what if I had a moment of insight on my drive here!


*****

I still say and do things that are unskillful.  My mind still swings back and forth like a monkey on a trapeze clamoring for attention, anything to take me away from here.  Fear still follows me everywhere like a shadow till I am willing to give it a name.

Maybe evidence that any given spiritual practice is working can’t be found in perfection but in vulnerability.  Our tender hearts open as best as they can to experience.  We reach out for support, reach in for a deep anchor of trust that will tether our sailing gypsy hearts to this moment.





Trust

It isn’t something you hold in your hand
a polished stone you skip across
the surface of Lake Doubt
to reach the other side

Trust is an open door
an invisible threshold you cross
without a groom to carry you
without a spare key

It’s holding your heart in stillness
as it fibrillates wildly with fear
until it syncs to the sound
of your breath and remembers

I am exactly where I need to be
I am safe in this understanding




(Note: The poem above isn’t the one I scribbled in my journal, but one that emerged from the stillness of falling asleep and waking up the next morning in the harbor of my bed:)



0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Kaveri Patel, a woman who is always searching for the wisdom in waves.

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    Anatta
    Body Wisdom
    Burnout
    Communication
    Compassion
    Creativity
    Diwali
    Doubt
    Elements
    Energy
    Equanimity
    Fear
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Gratitude
    Guilt
    Habits
    Impermanence
    Joy
    Kindness
    Light
    Middle Way
    Mindfulness
    Motivational Interviewing
    Parenting
    Passion
    Patience
    Peace
    Poetry
    Relationships
    Sacred Feminine
    Self Compassion
    Surrender
    True Nature
    Trust
    Uncertainty
    Wisdom

    Click to set custom HTML

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly