In any conscious relationship, there is the presence of love and the messy tangle of misunderstanding. I have no doubt that the love is blissful, and we crave to capture this in a love globe. But what about those darn disagreements?
The other day I decided to have a conversation with my husband about our holiday travel plans. We would spend a few days in Yosemite, return home to have our niece with us for a short while, then attend my cousin’s wedding festivities.
I noticed some anxiety arising about limited space and silence for meditation and yoga practice – the cornerstone of my wellbeing. As we were discussing possible options to accommodate this practice, I heard a familiar song from the CD of our relationship. The lyrics were new, but the melody of anger, fear, and hurt were quite familiar. Though I was present in our conversation, flashbacks from past conversations threatened to displace my center of calm.
Then I remembered the eagle totem and message I had recently received through shamanic healing:
Having an aerial perspective
not getting lost in details
intuiting what's needed
in any given circumstance,
the eagle totem is
above you, around you
within you always.
Don't clip your wings
by hiding your true colors
or denying what you want.
Though I acknowledged the eagle totem’s presence, I still had a sinking feeling inside my chest after the conversation was over. I wanted to know exactly how the holiday weeks would play out and if I could count on my zafu and yoga mat to keep me afloat during waves of uncertainty. My husband didn’t exactly agree to my specific requests.
That evening, my husband probably sensed my disappointment and subsequent distance. He helped me to create the eagle totem visual above. As I was writing this post, I realized that maybe he, too is part of the eagle totem. Maybe he is asking me to have an aerial perspective, not get lost in the details, and to intuit what’s needed in any given circumstance. Maybe he isn’t trying to clip my wings by asking me to hide my true colors or deny my wants. Maybe he is asking me to see clearly, to inhabit my lotus potential and look way down to the bottom where all of the mud has settled. There, I will find his love, my own strength, and the reasons why we are still together after all these years.