Wisdom in Waves
  • Home
  • Classes
  • Meditations
  • Books
  • Poems
  • Musings
  • About
  • Contact
  • Love

Chances Are

4/30/2017

0 Comments

 
When I got married almost nineteen years ago in July, I still had some romantic fairytale pixie dust mixed with classic chick flick movie moments clouding my vision.  My Braveheart husband would take care of everything.  This notion, coupled with my Tenderheart optimism, would conquer any insurmountable problem.  Was I naïve!

Marriage is not a Mary Poppins musical.  It takes work, patience, clarity, curiosity, forgiveness.  Not just love (unless your definition of love is expanding to include more virtues:).  The following reflections are by no means a perfect prescription for marital bliss.  They are pearls I’ve picked up from personal experience, needing a good polish every time I forget.

Are you still holding on to the good ol’ days when your partner was a perfect gentleman, lady, or person?  Have they suddenly turned into someone you barely recognize?  Ah, dear one.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but things change.  People change.  It doesn’t mean he/she/they stopped loving you.  Like you, they are a beautiful being growing in the direction of what nourishes them most.  The challenging part is that you both may be growing in different directions.

Once you can see this clearly, with curiosity and without judgment, it’s possible to make space for who you both are in this new chapter of your lives.  Certain life events (the birth of a child, the death of a parent or other loved one, major illness, career change, big geographic move, etc.) can blast any deep subconscious discontent out from the landmine of living.  Suddenly, you’re so tired of the struggle, and there’s no place left to hide.  Arms up and out in surrender, what can help you pick up the broken pieces, make a mosaic of healing out of suffering?

Begin by defining who you are, what matters most to you.  Engage with people and practices that support your growth.  But be careful!  Who you are isn’t better or worse than your partner.  He/she/they are growing, too.  Get curious about what feeds them.  Be patient with their response.  This doesn’t mean you become a doormat or a punching bag in the relationship.  It’s called a relationship for a reason, implying healthy connection, not disabling connection or hanging on by a thread.  You will find the balance between shouting vs. whispering to be heard, between taking the backseat or insisting on being the driver.

Make time for this new dance you are choreographing together.  It’s easy (and tempting) to fill the calendar with work, social engagements, the children’s activities, caring for aging parents, and time for self-care.  Sometimes you both will fall into bed after a long and tedious day with nighttime silence as a welcome reprieve.  Eyelids drooping, the lips can barely formulate a Good night honey or I love you.  Please don’t make yourselves the last priority!  You are the sun and moon of your family planet.  You will each take turns shining warmth on a joyous day or being that third eye in dark times to calm restless tides.

The poet Mark Nepo said, “To listen is to continually give up all expectation and to give our attention, completely and freshly, to what is before us, not really knowing what we will hear or what that will mean. In the practice of our days, to listen is to lean in, softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear.”

When I listen to my partner by leaning in softly with a willingness to be changed by what I hear, I am no longer the Wise or Gentle One.  He is no longer the Logical or Tough One.  We are simply one man, one woman, Braveheart and Tenderheart, trying our best to live in sync with Earth’s eternal heart.
​
Chances are we'll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken, and I can see

 
Chances are the fascinations
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them and all I need

 
Let’s take a chance.  You be you and I’ll be me.  Let’s listen to each other.  Let’s grow.  Let’s dance.  Let’s be the sun and moon for our family.  Thank you for taking a chance on me.
 
 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Kaveri Patel, a woman who is always searching for the wisdom in waves.

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    Anatta
    Body Wisdom
    Burnout
    Communication
    Compassion
    Creativity
    Diwali
    Doubt
    Elements
    Energy
    Equanimity
    Fear
    Forgiveness
    Freedom
    Gratitude
    Guilt
    Habits
    Impermanence
    Joy
    Kindness
    Light
    Middle Way
    Mindfulness
    Motivational Interviewing
    Parenting
    Passion
    Patience
    Peace
    Poetry
    Relationships
    Sacred Feminine
    Self Compassion
    Surrender
    True Nature
    Trust
    Uncertainty
    Wisdom

    Click to set custom HTML

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly