from cobalt waters
the day not yet defined
dancing into possibility
My favorite time of day is sunrise when skyfire rises from cobalt waters, when the day is not yet defined. Crossing Dumbarton Bridge some days to work, the chatterbox mind pauses for a few moments as the idea of 'I' melts into the majestic scene before me.
If I could, I would find some place to park, bust out a yoga mat for some sun salutations, and praise the sun for its warmth and light. All ideas of mother, wife, daughter, sister, healer, poet, meditator, would burn in skyfire as a new Phoenix rises from the ashes of old selves.
The following art piece was created from a dream I recently had about a whale. The whale frequently breached, reminding me that even though I have so much subconscious anxiety, I am gently being guided by a mysterious, benevolent force in my conscious life. I don't have to know the exact details of the future. I can rest in the present moment.
From the moment we wake up, most of us speed through our day with little time to pause. What would it be like to shed all preconceived notions of who we are, to dance into the possibility of wonder, to believe that life gives us exactly what we need in each moment?
After a long day at work, I'm looking forward to dinner with my family at a favorite Mexican restaurant. I'm not ready for the motorcyclist who ploughs into my rear end. As I step out of the car, the guy is lying on the ground in a daze next to a heap of twisted metal. My immediate reaction is not concern for his wellbeing, but a cold furry that chills me more than the evening temperature.
What the hell is wrong with you??? Can't you see I was clearly at a standstill in front of you? I just got my car washed. Now I'm going to have to deal with the headache of insurance reporting, repairs, etc. I don't have time for this bullshit!!!
Ashamed of my internal reaction, I can't help my thoughts or the physical sensations of feeling stuck in a moment I can't escape. The peaceful experiences of witnessing the sunrise and creating the glass art seem so far away. We eventually exchange information in the presence of a police officer and he apologizes for the accident. All I can manage are a few insincere words. “I hope you are ok.”
Am I gently being guided by a mysterious, benevolent force in my conscious life? Don't I have to know the exact details of the future? Can I rest in the present moment? Am I given exactly what I need in each moment?
Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes, “To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity."
I pause and allow the thoughts manifested as anger, fear, and disappointment to run through me like wild stallions. I forgive them, and ask what would be the exact opposite of scolding naughty children? Placing a hand on my belly and heart, I picture the injured motorcyclist next to his nonfunctional bike and accept his sincere apology. I send metta and thank him for the unexpected opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion. I even text him to see how he is doing and offer medical advice for his twisted ankle.
We don't know what each day will bring. Some experiences will be pleasant while others are clearly unpleasant. May we create space for them all, dancing into the possibility of love in all its forms, trusting that love always wins.