What does it mean to sit with the pain of loneliness, letting it cut more deep, fermenting and seasoning within you? When you feel disconnected from a partner, friend, coworker, child, etc., what is underneath this disconnection? Is it the fear of loss, the need for approval, or something else?
As humans we are a social species. We yearn to connect. We need to belong. We want to be comfortable and avoid pain, all that is unpleasant. We will surrender our loneliness quickly, turning to false refuges like drugs, alcohol, binge eating, retail therapy, TV, the internet, speeding up, becoming busy, arguing, blaming, anything to avoid discomfort. It’s our defense mechanism for safety.
But are we truly safe? Can you ever escape loneliness? Have you succeeded? My personal experience and answer is no. Vulnerability opens us to some pretty dark places. Why ask difficult questions when you can be perfectly content living your life in a pleasant dream while the demons are held at bay?
Because the demons are the cure. Unfortunately, you can’t just open your closet door one fine spring cleaning day and get rid of all the skeletons in your closet. You need to walk into the closet again and again, sitting, waiting, holding the cold bones in your hands, allowing the pain of loneliness and every emotion underneath it to ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can.
The only version of you that matters
is your compassionate, present self.
We all want to feel beautiful-
love pouring out of us like rain
ending the drought of disconnection.
We all want to be the star of our show
sans slander against us
face to face or on the internet.
What if connection is not contingent
on approval but compassionate presence?
You don’t have to be a book
bound by one particular story
but several blank pages
still waiting to be written.
We can take ourselves to be many different personas. The Lonely One. The Hurt One. The Connected or Disconnected One. The Cherished or Rejected One. The Expert or Amateur.
What if connection is not contingent on approval but compassionate presence? You don’t have to be a book bound by one particular story but several blank pages still waiting to be written. The loneliness inside can make your eyes so soft, your voice so tender, your need for compassionate presence absolutely clear. As you merge with this presence, may your connection with God, Spirit, the Divine be absolutely clear.
There is no separation.